So… it’s been a couple of months.
Without taking the actual decision, I seem to have taken a break from online dating and writing on this blog too. I wish I could now write how this had healed me significantly.
I am in a better place. However, big-picture thinking: my life and approach to living have all had an existentialism attached to them. As in I seem incapable of living without pondering the potential greater reason/cause/design behind key moments and happenings. I don’t think it sits well but it has evolved naturally, hand-in-hand with the deepening of my faith.
I was taking a wonderful walk through the countryside today and was talking with/to God whilst doing so. I took to explaining (more for my own benefit than His) the elements I understood to build a happy and good life – not just good for the person, but one that enabled good to be done by the person. As a 20-something, the three elements I identified were:
- Means (to live)
Oh and that was my order of importance too.
I sounded out loud that the first was proving elusive to create/obtain. I duly thanked Him for the second as I really have nothing to complain about there. Thirdly, was the confusing one as teaching has become a bit poisonous to remain in recently – so it’s had me examining my career options in a not entirely serious manner… yet.
The weird part was on a walk that usually contains nothing, I saw a falcon, some strange birdlife and even a fox! It was only after these incredible sightings that I had a mini-epiphany. Here was lowly old me moaning to God about how he appeared to be denying me happiness (via a relationship). He answered me (me!) instantly by reminding me of the other ways I personally could find joy in the world.
Once again, though, it’s all a bit blurry. I’m surrounded by messages of hunting meaningful jobs linked to what a person enjoys in the world. Easy to talk about. Causing it to happen is a much greater undertaking.
Anyway, back to romance.
So, I haven’t met up with anyone in real life… but then I’ve been warded off CatholicMatch (despite still paying for it!)
I tried a different UK Catholic Singles initiative (http://www.catholicsingles.org.uk/) which is very old-worldy. As in no photos, just email addresses and a name. So I popped on there – I haven’t really ventured into messaging anyone as I seem to have larger vocational questions on the horizon.
However, I received an email from a young woman from a different country in Europe…! I’ve been corresponding but it’s all a bit bizarre – I did receive a photo from her today though so I guess it’s time to reciprocate.
As ever, I’ll check in when I get chance – perhaps Easter time?